


I'm In Love With You Lara Jean, Only You

by VicesVsVirtues



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Peter's POV, Speculation, during the break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15820011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicesVsVirtues/pseuds/VicesVsVirtues
Summary: Peter's POV during the break up after the ski trip.





	I'm In Love With You Lara Jean, Only You

**Author's Note:**

> So... I'm totally addicted to this movie, and I read all three books in 2 days... yeah. I didn't get much sleep! It's my first time writing these two adorable kids...
> 
> This was originally titled "You Were Never Second Best" but there's already a fic in this fandom with the same title. I didn't want to change it, but I had to out of respect for the other fic (which I haven't read yet, I will).
> 
> I've seen a few Peter POV fics out there, but none for this particular section of time, so this is my interpretation.
> 
> It's mostly based on the movie, but I've cherry picked a few elements from the books (which I LOVED). I hope that's ok...
> 
> This is unbeta'd, so any errors are mine, and mine alone...

_ “Go home Peter.” _

_ “God, you were never second best.” _

I climbed into my truck, watching from the corner of my eye as Lara Jean and that dick, Sanderson spoke in front of her house.

Starting the engine, I drove away. Hearing her say that last night, in the hot tub, was a mistake cut me to the quick. It hadn’t hurt as much as this when Gen had dumped me for a douchey college guy, and we’d been a thing for a long time… we were one another’s firsts, but it was never as real as the fake relationship Lara Jean and I had.

Arriving home, I ignored my mom’s calls for me to join her and Owen in the lounge to watch a movie as I took the stairs up to my room two at a time. I felt like shit, utter shit. Why couldn’t I make Lara Jean listen to me when I tried to explain my side of the story to her? Why couldn’t I manage to get the words out right? I needed Lara Jean to know how I feel, to know that it’s not fake anymore, even before last night in the hot tub.

I can’t even think about when things started to change for me, but if I had to pinpoint a particular moment when I looked at Lara Jean in a different way was the first time she had dinner with my family.

Seeing the way she handled my mom putting her foot in her mouth, mentioning Lara Jean’s mom, and us talking after about my dad and her mom… it was real. Nothing in that moment was fake. In fact, whenever we spent time together, just us, or with our families were some of my favourite moments. 

We didn’t need to act in front of them, not really. We were able to just chill and have fun, something I could never do with Gen. With her, everything was a performance, a chance to show off to those around them. It got boring, very quickly. Yes, I’d loved Gen, always would love her, but this thing with Lara Jean… it was different, better.

All I wanted to do was to talk to her, make her understand, but knew she wouldn’t listen to me, I’d hurt her too much. It had only been an hour since she’d told him to go home, and it had been the longest sixty minutes of my life. Lara Jean wasn’t the type of girl who would allow herself to be swayed by my words, I knew I needed to leave her alone, even if only for a few days. I needed her to understand why I went to Gen’s room last night.

I flopped back onto my bed, ready to drive back over to the Covey house, needing something to distract me. Grabbing my phone, my heart clenching at the picture of Lara Jean that was my lock screen, and opened up Instagram… big mistake.

“Greg, who the hell recorded that video?” I yelled at him the moment he answered his phone. He was the one who knew everything, knew the ins and outs of our entire year… and most of the others truth be told.

“Dude, I don’t know. I’ve only just seen it.”

Anonybitch was an Instagram account that drove everyone at school crazy. They posted videos and photos people submitted - usually someone trashed at a party, or making out with someone they shouldn’t be. Another #rubadub video, but this time it was me… and Lara Jean… and it looked like we were doing more than making out.

“Shit.”

“Dude, chill. It’s hot as fuck.”

“Greg, not helping.”

More than ever, I wanted to see Lara Jean, but I knew she was going to think I had something to do with this. In frustration, I threw my phone onto my bed, then picked it back up. Three times I watched the video, remembering how it felt to kiss her, for real. How it felt having her in my lap, her legs wrapped around my waist they way she had. If she hadn’t been tagged, no one would have known it was her, but of course, that wasn’t Anonybitch’s style. Maximum damage and embarrassment were; and that was exactly what was happening here. Planning to do something about it the next day, I crawl into bed and try to sleep.

:: ::

It takes me almost five minutes after waking up to remember the shitstorm that was yesterday. Not only did Lara Jean break things off with me, just as they were starting to get real, but someone posted a video of us in a hot tub for the entire world to see. I shower, dress, and go down to the kitchen where I realise it’s stupidly early, and I’m the only one awake. As I eat some toast, I log into Instagram again.

The comments under the video are disgusting, and more than anything I want to reply to each and every one, telling them that they’re spouting bullshit about Lara Jean, that they don’t know her, that she’s the furthest thing from a slut they’d ever imagined, but everyone knows that the first rule of social media is to not look at the comments.

I have no idea how to deal with this, and as I spin my phone around on the table, it buzzes with a text.

_ I always knew the innocent stuff was all an act. Are you sure you still want her?  _ I ignored Gen’s message, deleting it without replying. It did occur to me that she was the one behind this, but I didn’t want to believe it. My phone doesn’t stop buzzing, and the messages aren’t all from Gen. In the end, I switch it off and try to take my mind off the whole thing. I know it’ll die down eventually, but I can’t imagine how Lara Jean is feeling, and I hate that I can’t comfort her and make it all go away. For one, I don’t know how to, and secondly, I don’t think she’d let me. As long as she wasn’t with Sanderson, I could cope, for now, with staying away.

As soon as the thought occurred to me, I was tempted to drive over, just to check. I was halfway out the door, my keys in my hand before I managed to reign in my jealousy. Talking myself out of it, I go back inside to clear away my breakfast stuff and I go back up to my room to pretend to do homework I couldn’t concentrate on. All I can think of is the video. Greg was right, it is hot and it makes me feel… things, but it’s not fair. I decide, finally, to act and report it as inappropriate content. Better late than never.

:: ::   
  


By the time I turn my phone back on, ignoring the texts and notifications, the video’s gone. I breathe a sigh of relief, and hope that by the time we’re back in school, all interest has died down. Greg’s having a New Year’s party, and I think it’ll be the perfect way to take my mind off everything, I get ready and go.

I’m not enjoying myself, for the first time in forever. Usually, Greg’s parties are great for just enjoying the moment, but tonight, it wasn’t enough.

“I saw the video got removed. How did you manage that?” Greg asked me as I hid in the kitchen, nursing a cup of kabucho. “Did you find out who Anonybitch is?”

“I didn’t do it. I didn’t know how.” I had to admit it.

“Did you find out who sent it in?”

“No, but I have my suspicions.” I would never admit it, but I knew Gen had recorded that video. She sent it in with lara Jean’s name, but I also knew she would  _ never  _ admit it to me.  “Listen, I’m going home. Catch you later.”

“Yeah bro, later.”

I climbed into my car and drove away from the party. It isn’t until I’m slowing down as I pass the Covey house that  realise I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to be by myself constantly thinking about Lara Jean and I need to see her., I don’t want to ring in the New Year without the girl I love by my side.

As I drive past the house at a crawl, I catch sight of her in her room. She’s moving around her room, a huge set of headphones on her head, but I can’t see exactly what she’s doing. I stop my car, and watch her for a few moments, until she disappears out of sight. A couple of seconds later, she leaves the house with her dad and I can only drive away before either of them see me.

I finally go home and sit in my room as midnight strikes. I feel like a part of myself is missing and it  _ hurts.  _ Never did this feeling happen when I wasn’t around Gen, she didn’t give me time to miss her; always texting and calling… expecting me to call her, be the first and last person she spoke to everyday. It was exhausting.

:: ::

Walking into school in the New Year was a relief. The video was down, I was back in training, and I knew at some point I was going to see Lara Jean. Even if I couldn’t get her to speak to me, at least I could see her, make sure she was okay.

There she was… stalking through the hall, hurt filling her face and, in particular, her eyes.

“Woah, hey. What’s going on?” I can’t stop myself from stopping her. I  _ need  _ to know what’s wrong with her.

“You didn’t say it wasn’t true… you just let everyone think we had sex in the hot tub when you  _ know  _ we didn’t.” She sounded like she was going to cry, and angry, all at the same time. “I bet you’re just happy that the video leaked.” As I watched her walk away from me, again, Chris slammed a piece of paper into my chest. A screenshot from the video…

“Hey everyone, listen up. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but  _ nothing  _ happened in the hot tub. So, if I hear anyone talking about Lara Jean or that video, I’m gonna kick all of your asses.” It wasn’t want I wanted to say, but it was what I  _ needed  _ to say, to stand up for Lara Jean. I should have done it sooner, in the comments under Anonybitch’s post… I didn’t think it was enough, but it was a step in the right direction. Chris wasn’t impressed, but when is she?

Lara Jean knew as much as I did that Gen was behind the entire thing. I wanted her to leave it to me to talk to her, but she’d had enough. It was time for Lara Jean to stand up for herself. 

I was reminded of a conversation where she’d told me that she was terrified of Gen, but it looked like she wasn’t anymore. I couldn’t help but swell with pride as she went to confront my ex.

No one, apart from Chris, ever did that, never told Gen to back off. Not even me. She was high maintenance, demanded attention from everyone, and never let anyone forget she was the self appointed queen of the cafeteria.

For the rest of the week, Lara Jean avoided me. I tried to find her at lunch, but never managed it, and my friends were starting to comment that I was pining. None of them knew the whole thing had been fake - at least to start with - so as far as they wer concerned, I was going through a bad break up.

“Bro, you weren’t like this when Gen dumped you.” Greg commented as we walked out to the lacrosse field for training.

“It’s different.”

“How? I mean… it’s not like you and Largie eve-”

“Don’t finish that sentence. There’s more to a relationship than sex.” He laughed.

“Yeah, like what?”

I sat on the bleachers, waiting for coach to show. I took a while to consider Greg’s question.

“A healthy relationship,” I ignored his laughter and incredulous stare. “Isn’t just about how quick you can get into a girls pants, but it’s about getting to know them as a person. Paying attention to their likes and dislikes, their favourite things.” I thought about the mocha sugar donuts I used to buy for Lara Jean just to make her smile. “Get to know their family and accept a role within their dynamics.” I thought of Kitty and her love of life, I thought about taking her for a drive in my two-seater on her birthday. “And most of all, it’s wanting to be with them in an everyday setting, not just one where you can get laid.”

“Man, you sound whipped.” Laughing even harder at me, Greg followed coach out onto the field and began running laps. Whipped? No, that’s what I was when I was with Gen. At her constant beck and call, and her back-up when she was being a bitch.

Lara Jean never expected anything like that from me. She called me out when I was being a dick, teased me when I was being too serious, and teased me when we were completely comfortable in one another’s company. I missed the easiness our relationship had… that pat was never fake.

:: ::

Training’s over, Lara Jean Covey is walking across the field toward me, just like that time all those months ago. This time, rather than confidence on her face, I see worry and nerves.

“Hey.” I have no idea why she’s here. I stay by the goal I’d just wheeled off the field, giving her space.

“Hi. I have to tell you something.”

I walk toward her, so we’re not shouting at one another across the field.

“Okay.”

“I drove here.”

“Really?” I was surprised, but I couldn’t quite believe that was all she wanted to say.  “Wow, that’s er...that’s great. Congrats.” 

“Thanks.” As she turns to walk away, clearly mentally talking herself out of saying whatever it was she came to tell me, I spot a piece of paper in her hand. I  _ think  _ I know what it is, but I can’t be certain. I can’t be certain of anything Lara Jean does.

“Woah… what’s that in your hand?” I start moving in her direction again.

“Oh… er… nothing.” Now I  _ know  _ what it is.

“Oh, it’s nothing?” Playfully, I grab at the paper, but she doesn’t up too much of a fight, and it’s soon in my hands. I unfold it and see the words  _ ‘Dear Peter.’  _ “No, you know what. If you want me to read that, then you have to give that to me.”

“Can you turn around?” Her voice shakes a little, nerves. “Please?” I don’t laugh as I do as she asks.

I hear the sound of her unfolding the paper. Rather than let me read her letter, she’s going to read it to me. Again, pride at her actions floods through me; she would never have been this bold before.

“Dear Peter, I need you to know that…” She taps me on the shoulder as she pauses. I turn to look at her. She doesn’t shy away, she locks her eyes onto mine. “I need you to know that I like you, Peter Kavinsky, and not in a fake way. So I guess that’s all I came here to say.”

This girl, Lara Jean Covey, was going to be the death of me. For the entire time we were in a fake relationship, a relationship born out of a love letter, she kept reminding me of that fact, despite my feelings for her changing, and now… after the whole hot tub debacle, she’s standing in front of me telling me how she feels.

I don’t know how to react for a minute, and I can see how much my silence is hurting her. She turns to walk away and guilt floods through me.

“Woah, don’t I get to say something?” She breaks eye contact with me, not sure what I’m going to say. “The reason that I went to Gen’s room that night… was to tell her that it’s over… because…” I can’t stop the smile from splitting my face. “ because I’m in love you Lara Jean. Only you.”

Her smile lights up her entire face, and I feel so much lighter. I’ve finally got the balls to tell her, and she hasn’t laughed at me, or tried to tell me I was wrong. She smiles, and it’s the sweetest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

“You what?”

Then… she’s rambling on about a contract, what would go into one for a real relationship. I can’t help but laugh softly.

“Nothing. You gotta trust.” and I did, I trusted her with my entire being. This girl knew me almost as well as I knew myself, and my heart was hers for the taking. “You gonna break my heart Covey?”

Finally, I was free to kiss her, in public. None of my teammates were around, but they could have been. Neither of us had to be worried about someone secretly recording us, or for anyone to get the wrong idea.

We were in this together, and it was real.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts.


End file.
